This is one of those blog posts that I never thought I’d have to write, but I guess I do.
Too often during casual conversations or private coaching sessions, I hear men bemoan the lack of women in their life.
Not enough women?
Are you kidding me?
They’re half the population of our planet!
Let’s unwrap this and get to the heart of the matter, shall we?
Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For?
The conversation with these men always starts the same: with whining and griping. Be they gay, or be they straight, the guy is always telling me that they just can’t find anyone. No matter how much they work The Ten Pillars, no matter how much they improve their lives, they just can’t seem to find The One.
That mythological creature – so handsome, so beautiful, so perfect in every way that it would make your heart sing and your eyes go blind just to be in their presence and to gaze upon them.
Quit Looking For Perfect. It Does Not Exist
There’s a reason that I used the word mythological up above; that’s because the perfect woman or man does not, and will never exist, outside of a robotics laboratory, and even then you better watch out, because SkyNet is about to become sentient and take over the world and enslave all mankind.
You need to have a Come To Jesus with yourself and really dig deep and come to the realization that perfect does not exist. You, like Don Quixote, are tilting at windmills, reaching for something, searching for something, someone that you will never, ever find.
Don’t Lower Your Standards, Get Real With Your Expectations
Now, there is a sort of perfection that does exist.
There is a man (or a woman) out there for you.
There is someone that I highly encourage you to look for, to keep improving your life for, and keep watching and listening for.
I say “sort of perfection” because it’s like the cousin of The One.
It’s the close relative of The One.
It’s called The Perfect One For You.
Be Excellent For Each Other
Those last two words make all the difference in the world and in your perception.
I firmly believe that there are people out there who are perfect for us. Those people whom we’re attracted to, and who are attracted to us. It’s like peas and carrots, Jenny. It’s like peanut butter and chocolate. It’s like Kirk and Spock or Han and Leia.
There are people out there who will just get you and just accept you, just the way that you are.
Sometimes you don’t need fixing, you need accepting.
Now I know that this all sounds very artsy fartsy, woo-woo and just plain unbelievable, but I think that it is one of those things that you must believe for you to be able to move forward and create the life that you desire.
It was one of the key beliefs that I held in my mind, on a daily basis, during the years that I was getting my life in order before I met Amy.
The Truth Is (She Is) Out There
I’m sure as hell not perfect, but I am an excellent match for Amy and her kids.
Amy’s not perfect, but she is perfect for me.
I actually did an exercise where I wrote down the qualities that I desired in a woman. I dated it, sealed it in an envelope and put it away.
After I met Amy and we’d been dating for a while, I got out that piece of paper and compared it to the woman I was dating. You’ve heard that saying “She looks good on paper”?
Amy did look good on paper; she matched almost every one of the qualities that I desired in a partner. Those qualities that she didn’t match, were no longer important those years later.
We’ve been together for over 4 years and engaged for over 1.
I tell you this not to brag, but to really impress upon you the simple statement that if I can do it, you can do it. What one man can do, another man can do.
You gotta believe.
Believe in the Excellent.
Believe in the Perfect for You.
Give up, forever, the illusion of The Perfect.